Redefining Myself

It's been an interesting journey the past year with my art life. I graduated from high school in 07, this was the prime time of my drawing persona. Every single day I was buried in a sketchbook drawing away, listening to my headphones in a whole different world. I started college at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh in 08 and graduated in 2012, during that time I was transformed into an employable artist, drawing on commission, drawing on demand, drawing what other people wanted, not really what I wanted to draw anymore. For about... 7 years I completely stopped drawing for myself and everything became a job, a task, a duty, and detached itself from me as an "escape" and became "work."

Now I find myself, not employed as a graphic designer anymore due to low wages and high-turnover, working at a bank no longer doing any art for me or for anyone else at all. A couple months ago I pulled my art supplies out of the attic and back into my life, and now I'm going through a difficult journey of finding out what it is I actually enjoy drawing when no one is sitting behind me telling me what to draw. It's been 12 years since I drew every day for myself, and I want to be that person again.

It's been a source of great anxiety and confusion, lots of sleepless nights lately and just sheer panic in my apparent loss of identity. It may seem silly to be so distraught over something like "I don't know what to draw" but this was truly what made me ME. I no longer am into horror and monster stuff like I used to be, I've moved so many times that even the friends I had in those days are long gone. I feel like a blank slate, its so overwhelming looking at a white canvas, not knowing what to fill it with, but what happens when that white canvas is in the mirror?